Well, fuck.

One thing my fiancé used to do, but hasn't done for about a year, might be happening again. He often goes on beer-and-porn binges when I'm not home, but he used to leave the house just before I got home from work so he could park somewhere away from the public and continue his bingeing. One of the last few times he did this, he ended up with a DUI and a misdemeanor public lewdness charge.

Today he had a long break between his afternoon class and his evening class, and he ostensibly came home to nap. Then, ten minutes before I was set to leave work, I received a text that he was heading back to campus early to prepare for an exam tomorrow. I started to get that old suspicious feeling and sure enough, when I got home, I found crushed beer cans in the recycle bin and more beer in the fridge. That's the only unique sign that he's been drinking and probably intends to keep drinking. Otherwise, it's just like a normal Wednesday - he takes his computer to class, which starts 30 minutes before my own, so nothing out of the ordinary there - except I know he's been drinking. And now I'm afraid he'll be out drinking until either a cop picks him up or he comes home in the wee hours of the morning. I called him and he insists he's going to class and he'll be home when I get out of my own class later.

When this used to happen, I'd stay up all night. I wouldn't be able to sleep alone, and I'd keep checking to see if he had pulled up yet. I'd research ways to track GPS on his laptop or his phone (to no avail). I generally become a crazy bitch and get all focused on him and his addiction.

Not that reacting that way wouldn't be totally normal for most people, but that kind of reaction is unhealthy according to Al-Anon. So what do I do? Trust he'll be home when he says? Decide to just go about my evening as normal (including going to class, which I'm REALLY reluctant to do right now)? Pack my shit and sleep at the apartment I'm watching for my friend?

Also, I just "pocket-dialed" him and he says he's packing up to go to class, since he was in the library. I guess I believe him. If he's not back when I get home, I'm calling someone on my Al-Anon contact list.

Yours in craziness,
Sal Anonymous